Category: Random Rants

Are you managing okay?

Since I had my baby boy 10 weeks ago, all anyone seems to ask me is ‘Are you managing okay?’  Now I appreciate some of this is genuine care, but seriously, do I really look that bad?! Does everyone think I’m struggling or something?! Yes I have a toddler and a new baby. Yes i’m often turning up to playgroups with baby vomit in my hair. Yes I probably have been seen having an argument about dog poop in the street with my toddler. (Something along the lines of ‘Look Mammy, dog poop!’ ‘Yes that’s lovely, come on’ ‘Oo Mammy, me pick the poop up?’ ‘Step away from the poop NOW!!!’- it went on a while 😳) Yes some days all I can do is moan about having to scrub urine out of the carpet. Yes some days I just want to be alone and will go out of my way to ignore people. And yes some nights I find myself working my way through a bottle of wine, but it’s all normal, right?! It’s just being a parent. That simple question makes me feel like the worst parent in the world. Like people are looking at me thinking that I’m clearly not the type of woman who can handle being Mother to two children under 3. Probably because I’m young. Sheesh.

Well I think I’m managing just fine!

Rant over 😂

Mother Hermit xx

 



        

      

Can I just be skinny for one day?!

Ok well maybe not ‘skinny’, just a bit slimmer, maybe drop 2 or 3 dress sizes?! Just for one day. I just want to test it out. Will I really be happier if I lose all that weight and look like the image I constantly carry around in my head? Does being a slim size 10 really give you confidence and happiness? Or do size 8’s and 10’s day dream of being that little bit ‘chubbier’?! Seriously though, why the frangipane (keeping it clean!😂) do sizes and numbers matter?!

I’ve struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. Going through the usual puppy fat phase, then the ‘eat all you like and not gain anything’ phase, where I was ridiculously skinny and I just looked all gangly and ill and then the phase of drinking too much, partying too hard and living on 3am donner kebabs. Then came the settling down and having kids. When you settle down with someone it usually means eating together- A LOT- because you’re comfortable with that person and you get to a point where you just don’t care what they think you look like, you know they love you because they’ve chosen to be with you and they’re eating just the same. God, I remember when I first got with G I was too scared to eat anything in front of him, it just made me feel uncomfortable.

I realise that I put myself under far too much pressure to lose weight but it’s something I can never seem to get rid of. I think the summer days make it worse because when the sun is out I try to stick with my usual ‘cover up’ clothes of jeans and long sleeved tops or oversized t-shirts but then the heat is unbearable and it’s just not comfortable. Or I try and go for summer attire like a vest top or maxi dress and end up crying at what I see in the mirror- big chubby arms, ‘tyre’ rolls across my middle, thick thighs, pale spotty skin- honestly it’s just whatever bugs me that day- and I can’t feel comfortable in those clothes either. I’m not exactly unfit though because I don’t drive I walk everywhere, unless it’s on the weekend when G drives us about. And the walking is quite hard work when I have two young kids to push in a big tandem travel system. I go to two or three exercise classes a week too, which I absolutely love! If I could afford it I’d go everyday! But I enjoy a drink too and we usually have a take away or meal out on a weekend so I think everything just balances out and I stay the same.

I think I need to remind myself though that I have had two kids, one only 11.5 weeks ago too. I eat healthy, I’ve started drinking crap loads of water, switched to diet coke, went back to my fitness classes, so without punishing myself altogether by cutting out the occasional takeaway and bottle of wine (never gonna happen!) I think I’m probably doing pretty well! Us women put ourselves under far too much pressure to look a certain way and I hate that. 😡

But if I could just have that day, just one day, maybe I’d realise that being ‘skinny’ isn’t everything and that I’ll probably be happier just the way I am.


Give yourself some love ladies. ❤️

Mother Hermit xx

Krakow Here We Come!

For years I have said that I’d love to travel somewhere abroad in winter to visit a Christmas Market. For years I’vd hinted on to G and a couple of times I’ve nearly, very nearly, booked a break away- but it’s never happened. Last week G finally admitted that he has no interest in going to ANY Christmas Market. Thank lasagne for that! I honestly thought he’d never admit it and I’d never get to go. Anyway, as soon as he made his confession last week, I sent a quick Whatsapp to my sister who was very very interested! We seemed to have Bruges stuck in our head but after sending an enquiry to a local travel agent we found that we would have to take a flight to Brussels then make our own way to Bruges on a train. No thank you. I wouldn’t exactly say I’m thick but that’s exactly the kind of situation my anxiety would have a field day with! Being in a strange country trying to figure out a train system and use a map to find where I’m going? I’m adventurous, but not THAT adventurous 😂

So the lovely lady at the travel agents suggested Krakow. Now my initial reaction contained ‘swear words’. Honestly, Krakow? As in Poland? Whyyy? I decided to take to the internet and have a good old browse of Trip Advisor and the likes and Oh.My.God, I fell in love! Reading reviews, looking a photographs, browsing travel guides, I just totally fell in love with everything Krakow! 😁

During a 5.30am bottle feed this morning I did loads more research, double checked the hotel reviews, the currency, average prices, flight times etc etc and this afternoon my sister and me headed into our local town to the travel agents. Within 5 minutes the whole thing was booked and even though it’s not until December, I’m ridiculously excited! I do feel a little sad at the fact that I’ll be without my kids for 3 nights, but I honestly know that come December I’m going to need those 3 nights away with my sister sampling the local beers and doing lots of shopping!

Let the countdown begin!

Mother Hermit xx

The Hermit Life

I guess you could say I chose to be a hermit. I’ve always been a shy and quiet person, I think this comes from my school days because I was bullied so much even from Primary School. I went through my school life being bullied for anything from having pointy teeth (apparently makes me a Vampire!), being a total tom-boy and idolising mentors and wanting to do well in school (teachers pet!). I never really had any friends close enough who would bother to defend me and I never dared say anything to my parents because it just wasn’t the done thing- it’s extremely difficult for someone who is being bullied to admit to anyone that it is happening. 


I started secondary school with a total positive attitude in which I was determined to make new friends, take no shit from anyone and show the bullies where to shove it. That didn’t happen. I found myself usually sitting alone in classes and I didn’t have the confidence to try and speak to anyone. During these years you’re out there trying to discover yourself and not many people seemed to like who I was. This had a big impact on my school work as I would usually sit alone, daydreaming about what it would be like to be popular or just be anywhere else but school! I went through more years of being bullied for being a loner, again for being a tom-boy and trying out a mushroom style haircut (so it wasn’t in the way when I was doing the sports I enjoyed!), because my older sister was a ‘Goth’ and anything else they could come up with at the time! By the time I got into year 10 i’d totally had enough, I managed to scupper some confidence from somewhere and made loads of good friends! I felt like I could finally be myself and it turned out I was a very funny girl a lot of people wanted to be around! I had some really good friendships and left school with brilliant grades, but as what happens to many people I don’t hear from any of them anymore. Since leaving school I’ve met so many new people but friendships when you’re an adult seem to take me back to those days!

After I had my daughter I found myself getting upset quite a lot of the time because I felt so alone. As a result of the bullying I went through in the past I’ve never made any ‘BFF’s’ so other than family, no one came to visit me or my baby. To be honest after the first couple of weeks my family didn’t bother much either. I spent the first year of my daughters life on my own, apart from my partner and a few family members. I refused to go to any toddler groups because I didn’t want to meet or talk to new people and I would only venture out of the house once or twice a week if I had too. It was only when my daughter turned one, when she was walking and talking, that I knew I had to start taking her to playgroups for her to socialise- I knew I had to do it for her.

We started going to one 2 hour group a week but I found it really uncomfortable and spent the whole time just following my daughter around and avoiding any adult contact or conversation. As the weeks went on I soon noticed that it was the same group of girls coming to the group so I started joining in with small bits of conversation and they mentioned that they all go to another playgroup twice a week not far from where I live. I made excuses for a while but felt bad on my daughter because she was enjoying the time playing with other kids so much. Safe to say I gave in and pretty soon we were attending three playgroups a week and had both made a group of friends from it! We even started having coffee’s and playdates at each other’s houses, had a Christmas night out and have worked together to host fayre’s to raise money for the playgroups. I finally felt like I had friends and was out of the house all of the time! What is it they say though, something along the lines of ‘too good to be true’?!

As with any group of ladies (or should I say girls?!), there soon proved to be a lot of drama between them. A bit of “she said this about you, yeah and she did this!” is all I heard every time I went to playgroup. Now by this point I had found out I was pregnant again and had just bought our first family home (Eeek! Very exciting! Loved saying goodbye to our small council house!) so the last thing I wanted to hear or be involved in was the type of drama I heard going on when I was a teen! I carried on with the friendships for a while longer and the girls even threw me a baby shower but the drama still didn’t show signs of improving. It quickly got to the point where my name started circling around and one of the ‘friends’ had developed some kind of hatred against me- I had no idea what was going on! Back to hermit life I went! Apart from taking my daughter to the toddler groups, I hardly spoke a word to anyone, kept myself to myself,  declined all invitations to have a cuppa and spent the rest of my pregnancy at home. To be fair, I also couldn’t waddle very far so the excuses were pretty genuine! 😂

My daughter became a big sister in February this year! A baby boy! 💙 I kept all the playgroup ladies updated throughout the last bit of my pregnancy and received a few cards and gifts once we started going back to group. I sharp realised the drama hadn’t stopped and a few of the ladies had stoped speaking to each other! I’ve become a bit closer with one of them recently as she’s helped me out alot in group (holding the baby while I see to my daughter, doing crafts with her while I feed etc) but I’m back with the ‘take no shit’ attitude and refuse to be involved in any drama! 

I did make a really good friend through one of the playgroup ladies whilst I was pregnant. She’s my age, was pregnant and due 9 days after me also with a boy, and is totally on my wavelength. We talked through facebook every single day about our pregnancy and what was happening in our lives in general and she came over a few times to have a natter (and drink raspberry leaf tea 😂) Since we’ve had our babies though i’ve only seen her once and we don’t message as much as we’d like. That’s just life in general though right? Some days there’s just not enough hours!

Like most Mothers probably do, I still have my hermit days where all I want to do is stay home, lock the doors, mute my phone and spend time with my kids. I still have days where I feel totally alone and to be honest, I still don’t feel like I have the type of friends I need, where I can speak to them about anything and everything and know that if I need them, they’ll be there. But i’m getting there and being able to say that makes me happy. Oh and wine. Wine makes me happy too! 😘

Mother Hermit xx

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

Zombie time!

How many parents are doing it zombie style this morning?! 😳 I’m lucky really, my kids usually sleep right through and considering the youngest has just turned 6weeks old, that’s pretty darn good! But yeah, that Sunday afternoon nap I was talking about yesterday? Well that consisted of me & my 6 week old flat out on the sofa until 7pm… So that meant he’d slept through a feed and at 1.30am he was up full of life, until 4.30am!! So we’re really having a ‘lazy’ morning! 😂

Nothing wrong with a zombie morning… Let’s just hope the TV remote doesn’t end up in the freezer this time… Coffeeeeee!!

My first post!

No idea what I’m doing here if I’m perfectly honest, but as a mother to two young children, as gorgeous as they are, I need to be able to rant. I suppose a blog is a bit like talking to yourself- perfect for a hermit! I have no idea whether my posts will ever be read by anyone other than myself but I know it’ll help me!

I say i’m a hermit but these days I’m a bit more of a ‘part time’ hermit. Having kids has pushed me to do more, socialise more, attend baby groups and basically get out of the house! I can’t do that everyday though. I’m sure there’s lots of other Mother’s out there who have those days where all you want to do is stay indoors with your kids and pretend like no one else exsists, right?!

Today was a good day anyway, my Sunday Funday’s are family days- do the chores, make dinner for my little family and my Dad, play with the kids, have a nap, then relax with a glass of wine whilst watching Grey’s Anatomy! Bliss! However, I only have one full day left with my eldest baby before she starts nursery… Cue the tears 😢

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