Planning my Dad’s funeral… with a cauliflower?!

 Waaaait! Put the tissues away! My Dad is NOT dead! However, when he came for his Sunday roast yesterday, one of the first things he said to me was “I’m going to arrange and pay for my funeral this month”. Well, I absolutely bloody shit myself! Excuse the language but come on! What else would you do?! I think my face said it all, stood there with a rather blank expression, probably a lot paler than usual all I could say was “Why?! What’s wrong with you?!”- I was honestly about to crumple to the floor in agony. 

My Dad is my absolute hero and I worship the ground he walks on. I would do absolutely anything for him and plan on being by his side everyday and be his carer full time when/if it ever comes to that. I do as much as he allows me too at the minute but he’s a rather healthy 65 year old man and a very proud one at that, so he tends to try and do everything on his own. Oh anyway, there’s nothing wrong with him- sorry to keep you in suspense there! 🙈 He’s fought cancer in the past, and kicked it’s arse might I add, so for a split second I really thought he was going to say it had come back- thank the daffodils that’s not what he said!

It turns out he went out for his usual weekly drinks at the local club with the usual bunch and the topic had turned to funeral costs (miserable bunch eh?). Now my Dad isn’t tight with his money, but he doesn’t like to waste money if he doesn’t need to either. So when he heard that the cost of a standard funeral is increasing all of the time he asked them a bit more about it. It turns out quite a few of his friends have already planned and paid for their own funerals through Age UK. 😳 Is it just me that thinks that’s a bit weird?! It did make a bit more sense when he explained about the rising funeral costs and not wanting me to be lumbered with the costs when I have young children and a mortgage. 

It wasn’t really something i’d ever imagined discussing with my Dad, at least not yet anyway! We’ve ordered the information pack from Age UK so we can start looking into the options he has. We did try and discuss it on Sunday but it turns out he wants to be put in a cardboard box with ‘This Way Up’ written on the side! And at the very mention of flowers all I got was, (Imagine it in a very broad Geordie accent!) “Aal I want on top of me cardboard box is a f**king cauliflower!” 😂

That’s my Dad for you! 🙈

Cuddle Fairy

The Hermit Life

I guess you could say I chose to be a hermit. I’ve always been a shy and quiet person, I think this comes from my school days because I was bullied so much even from Primary School. I went through my school life being bullied for anything from having pointy teeth (apparently makes me a Vampire!), being a total tom-boy and idolising mentors and wanting to do well in school (teachers pet!). I never really had any friends close enough who would bother to defend me and I never dared say anything to my parents because it just wasn’t the done thing- it’s extremely difficult for someone who is being bullied to admit to anyone that it is happening. 


I started secondary school with a total positive attitude in which I was determined to make new friends, take no shit from anyone and show the bullies where to shove it. That didn’t happen. I found myself usually sitting alone in classes and I didn’t have the confidence to try and speak to anyone. During these years you’re out there trying to discover yourself and not many people seemed to like who I was. This had a big impact on my school work as I would usually sit alone, daydreaming about what it would be like to be popular or just be anywhere else but school! I went through more years of being bullied for being a loner, again for being a tom-boy and trying out a mushroom style haircut (so it wasn’t in the way when I was doing the sports I enjoyed!), because my older sister was a ‘Goth’ and anything else they could come up with at the time! By the time I got into year 10 i’d totally had enough, I managed to scupper some confidence from somewhere and made loads of good friends! I felt like I could finally be myself and it turned out I was a very funny girl a lot of people wanted to be around! I had some really good friendships and left school with brilliant grades, but as what happens to many people I don’t hear from any of them anymore. Since leaving school I’ve met so many new people but friendships when you’re an adult seem to take me back to those days!

After I had my daughter I found myself getting upset quite a lot of the time because I felt so alone. As a result of the bullying I went through in the past I’ve never made any ‘BFF’s’ so other than family, no one came to visit me or my baby. To be honest after the first couple of weeks my family didn’t bother much either. I spent the first year of my daughters life on my own, apart from my partner and a few family members. I refused to go to any toddler groups because I didn’t want to meet or talk to new people and I would only venture out of the house once or twice a week if I had too. It was only when my daughter turned one, when she was walking and talking, that I knew I had to start taking her to playgroups for her to socialise- I knew I had to do it for her.

We started going to one 2 hour group a week but I found it really uncomfortable and spent the whole time just following my daughter around and avoiding any adult contact or conversation. As the weeks went on I soon noticed that it was the same group of girls coming to the group so I started joining in with small bits of conversation and they mentioned that they all go to another playgroup twice a week not far from where I live. I made excuses for a while but felt bad on my daughter because she was enjoying the time playing with other kids so much. Safe to say I gave in and pretty soon we were attending three playgroups a week and had both made a group of friends from it! We even started having coffee’s and playdates at each other’s houses, had a Christmas night out and have worked together to host fayre’s to raise money for the playgroups. I finally felt like I had friends and was out of the house all of the time! What is it they say though, something along the lines of ‘too good to be true’?!

As with any group of ladies (or should I say girls?!), there soon proved to be a lot of drama between them. A bit of “she said this about you, yeah and she did this!” is all I heard every time I went to playgroup. Now by this point I had found out I was pregnant again and had just bought our first family home (Eeek! Very exciting! Loved saying goodbye to our small council house!) so the last thing I wanted to hear or be involved in was the type of drama I heard going on when I was a teen! I carried on with the friendships for a while longer and the girls even threw me a baby shower but the drama still didn’t show signs of improving. It quickly got to the point where my name started circling around and one of the ‘friends’ had developed some kind of hatred against me- I had no idea what was going on! Back to hermit life I went! Apart from taking my daughter to the toddler groups, I hardly spoke a word to anyone, kept myself to myself,  declined all invitations to have a cuppa and spent the rest of my pregnancy at home. To be fair, I also couldn’t waddle very far so the excuses were pretty genuine! 😂

My daughter became a big sister in February this year! A baby boy! 💙 I kept all the playgroup ladies updated throughout the last bit of my pregnancy and received a few cards and gifts once we started going back to group. I sharp realised the drama hadn’t stopped and a few of the ladies had stoped speaking to each other! I’ve become a bit closer with one of them recently as she’s helped me out alot in group (holding the baby while I see to my daughter, doing crafts with her while I feed etc) but I’m back with the ‘take no shit’ attitude and refuse to be involved in any drama! 

I did make a really good friend through one of the playgroup ladies whilst I was pregnant. She’s my age, was pregnant and due 9 days after me also with a boy, and is totally on my wavelength. We talked through facebook every single day about our pregnancy and what was happening in our lives in general and she came over a few times to have a natter (and drink raspberry leaf tea 😂) Since we’ve had our babies though i’ve only seen her once and we don’t message as much as we’d like. That’s just life in general though right? Some days there’s just not enough hours!

Like most Mothers probably do, I still have my hermit days where all I want to do is stay home, lock the doors, mute my phone and spend time with my kids. I still have days where I feel totally alone and to be honest, I still don’t feel like I have the type of friends I need, where I can speak to them about anything and everything and know that if I need them, they’ll be there. But i’m getting there and being able to say that makes me happy. Oh and wine. Wine makes me happy too! 😘

Mother Hermit xx

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

All aboard the Potty Train!

April2016 622Potty training. Whenever anyone mentioned this to me in the past I always shrugged it off with ‘Ah she’s so advanced at everything else I’m sure she’ll pick it up really quickly’. Well she may be advanced, but this potty training malarkey is an absolute nightmare!

My daughter started showing interest in a potty when she was around 18 months old- we thought we were clever by hiding it among her many toys allover the living room- and pretty soon she asked to use it. We had a successful wee on the potty around her second attempt and I thought that was the beginning! Cue the proud parent going slightly crazy annoying anyone and everyone who would listen that my daughter was the cleverest girl ever! After that successful wee we even had a few requests to use the toilet but nothing ever happened there, she seemed to think it was some kind of monster and was absolutely terrified by the sound of the flush! We continued to push the potty but we failed miserably because we tried to force it too much- epic fail!

Since then it’s been a bit of an on again off again relationship with both the toilet and the potty. As she’s got older she’s shown more interest in trying it, especially when she’s seen her little friends at playgroup using the toilet and we’ve been through many phases of going a full day having all of her wee’s on one or the other but then the next day she doesn’t want to go near either. I’ve spent many a day and night stressing about it and googling to find anything to help! To be honest I haven’t really found anything online which has proved all that helpful- I guess it’s just another one of those ‘every child is different’ parenting directions. Basically wing it.

So she’s now 2 (26months to be precise) and we’re having another go! With the little madam starting nursery next week I’m trying my best to work with her. It’s difficult, especially since we now have a six week old boy, it’s not as easy to run back and forth to the toilet with her ten million times per day! I’ve gone with the leave the nappy off and completely naked below the waist approach to start off with and it’s proving a total success so far. I’ve even managed to quickly throw her on the toilet for a poo a couple of times when I’ve caught her slipping off to her usual pooping hiding spot. Alright so I didn’t actually throw her on it, I’m stressed but not that much! 😂

It’s a frustrating journey, one in which I’m absolutely determined to see through to the end result of having to change only one child’s nappies and not both! I have a feeling I may be leaning on my good friend Echo Falls for support during this ‘difficult’ time! Wish me luck! (With the potty training, not the wine drinking- I’m good at that!)

 

Mother Hermit xx

 

Zombie time!

How many parents are doing it zombie style this morning?! 😳 I’m lucky really, my kids usually sleep right through and considering the youngest has just turned 6weeks old, that’s pretty darn good! But yeah, that Sunday afternoon nap I was talking about yesterday? Well that consisted of me & my 6 week old flat out on the sofa until 7pm… So that meant he’d slept through a feed and at 1.30am he was up full of life, until 4.30am!! So we’re really having a ‘lazy’ morning! 😂

Nothing wrong with a zombie morning… Let’s just hope the TV remote doesn’t end up in the freezer this time… Coffeeeeee!!

My first post!

No idea what I’m doing here if I’m perfectly honest, but as a mother to two young children, as gorgeous as they are, I need to be able to rant. I suppose a blog is a bit like talking to yourself- perfect for a hermit! I have no idea whether my posts will ever be read by anyone other than myself but I know it’ll help me!

I say i’m a hermit but these days I’m a bit more of a ‘part time’ hermit. Having kids has pushed me to do more, socialise more, attend baby groups and basically get out of the house! I can’t do that everyday though. I’m sure there’s lots of other Mother’s out there who have those days where all you want to do is stay indoors with your kids and pretend like no one else exsists, right?!

Today was a good day anyway, my Sunday Funday’s are family days- do the chores, make dinner for my little family and my Dad, play with the kids, have a nap, then relax with a glass of wine whilst watching Grey’s Anatomy! Bliss! However, I only have one full day left with my eldest baby before she starts nursery… Cue the tears 😢

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