I guess you could say I chose to be a hermit. I’ve always been a shy and quiet person, I think this comes from my school days because I was bullied so much even from Primary School. I went through my school life being bullied for anything from having pointy teeth (apparently makes me a Vampire!), being a total tom-boy and idolising mentors and wanting to do well in school (teachers pet!). I never really had any friends close enough who would bother to defend me and I never dared say anything to my parents because it just wasn’t the done thing- it’s extremely difficult for someone who is being bullied to admit to anyone that it is happening. 


I started secondary school with a total positive attitude in which I was determined to make new friends, take no shit from anyone and show the bullies where to shove it. That didn’t happen. I found myself usually sitting alone in classes and I didn’t have the confidence to try and speak to anyone. During these years you’re out there trying to discover yourself and not many people seemed to like who I was. This had a big impact on my school work as I would usually sit alone, daydreaming about what it would be like to be popular or just be anywhere else but school! I went through more years of being bullied for being a loner, again for being a tom-boy and trying out a mushroom style haircut (so it wasn’t in the way when I was doing the sports I enjoyed!), because my older sister was a ‘Goth’ and anything else they could come up with at the time! By the time I got into year 10 i’d totally had enough, I managed to scupper some confidence from somewhere and made loads of good friends! I felt like I could finally be myself and it turned out I was a very funny girl a lot of people wanted to be around! I had some really good friendships and left school with brilliant grades, but as what happens to many people I don’t hear from any of them anymore. Since leaving school I’ve met so many new people but friendships when you’re an adult seem to take me back to those days!

After I had my daughter I found myself getting upset quite a lot of the time because I felt so alone. As a result of the bullying I went through in the past I’ve never made any ‘BFF’s’ so other than family, no one came to visit me or my baby. To be honest after the first couple of weeks my family didn’t bother much either. I spent the first year of my daughters life on my own, apart from my partner and a few family members. I refused to go to any toddler groups because I didn’t want to meet or talk to new people and I would only venture out of the house once or twice a week if I had too. It was only when my daughter turned one, when she was walking and talking, that I knew I had to start taking her to playgroups for her to socialise- I knew I had to do it for her.

We started going to one 2 hour group a week but I found it really uncomfortable and spent the whole time just following my daughter around and avoiding any adult contact or conversation. As the weeks went on I soon noticed that it was the same group of girls coming to the group so I started joining in with small bits of conversation and they mentioned that they all go to another playgroup twice a week not far from where I live. I made excuses for a while but felt bad on my daughter because she was enjoying the time playing with other kids so much. Safe to say I gave in and pretty soon we were attending three playgroups a week and had both made a group of friends from it! We even started having coffee’s and playdates at each other’s houses, had a Christmas night out and have worked together to host fayre’s to raise money for the playgroups. I finally felt like I had friends and was out of the house all of the time! What is it they say though, something along the lines of ‘too good to be true’?!

As with any group of ladies (or should I say girls?!), there soon proved to be a lot of drama between them. A bit of “she said this about you, yeah and she did this!” is all I heard every time I went to playgroup. Now by this point I had found out I was pregnant again and had just bought our first family home (Eeek! Very exciting! Loved saying goodbye to our small council house!) so the last thing I wanted to hear or be involved in was the type of drama I heard going on when I was a teen! I carried on with the friendships for a while longer and the girls even threw me a baby shower but the drama still didn’t show signs of improving. It quickly got to the point where my name started circling around and one of the ‘friends’ had developed some kind of hatred against me- I had no idea what was going on! Back to hermit life I went! Apart from taking my daughter to the toddler groups, I hardly spoke a word to anyone, kept myself to myself,  declined all invitations to have a cuppa and spent the rest of my pregnancy at home. To be fair, I also couldn’t waddle very far so the excuses were pretty genuine! 😂

My daughter became a big sister in February this year! A baby boy! 💙 I kept all the playgroup ladies updated throughout the last bit of my pregnancy and received a few cards and gifts once we started going back to group. I sharp realised the drama hadn’t stopped and a few of the ladies had stoped speaking to each other! I’ve become a bit closer with one of them recently as she’s helped me out alot in group (holding the baby while I see to my daughter, doing crafts with her while I feed etc) but I’m back with the ‘take no shit’ attitude and refuse to be involved in any drama! 

I did make a really good friend through one of the playgroup ladies whilst I was pregnant. She’s my age, was pregnant and due 9 days after me also with a boy, and is totally on my wavelength. We talked through facebook every single day about our pregnancy and what was happening in our lives in general and she came over a few times to have a natter (and drink raspberry leaf tea 😂) Since we’ve had our babies though i’ve only seen her once and we don’t message as much as we’d like. That’s just life in general though right? Some days there’s just not enough hours!

Like most Mothers probably do, I still have my hermit days where all I want to do is stay home, lock the doors, mute my phone and spend time with my kids. I still have days where I feel totally alone and to be honest, I still don’t feel like I have the type of friends I need, where I can speak to them about anything and everything and know that if I need them, they’ll be there. But i’m getting there and being able to say that makes me happy. Oh and wine. Wine makes me happy too! 😘

Mother Hermit xx

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13 Comments on The Hermit Life

  1. I hope having ‘online friends’ in the form of the ‘tribe’ will help you, I know it’s not the same but sometimes just being able to vent at a group or ask questions can help you feel less alone. Thank you for sharing such an honest post. I am lucky as I have a big family and have some friends still from high school, a couple of whom have had kids. I find it hard making new friends at groups though, I haven’t managed it yet- I chat to them in the group but can’t quite make the transition to ask for their numbers or to go for a coffee! Ellen x

  2. I think we all have our hermit days. I know I do. There are times when I just want to be alone and without drama. I rather have a couple of really good friends than a whole gaggle of drama. Luckily we still have our online community. It broke my heart to read your experiences during your school days. No child should ever have to go through that. #triballove

  3. I agree with Agent Spitback, we all have our hermit days. I think the online community is fantastic and a great way of finding new support and friendships. I hope that you feel happier now 🙂

  4. I have never read a more relatable post! As a young mum, when I attempted to join in with a toddler group, everyone seemed so much older than me and didn’t seem much interested in anything that I had to say. I sort of gave up in the end and nowadays I just keep to myself. I’ve tried soft play, but everyone seems to go there in groups, and it feels awkward being on the fringes. Having an online community has helped loads, and I hope you’re feeling happier now. (: Also, wine, yum! x
    #triballove

  5. I totally relate to all of this – infact it could have been about me! I was bullied throughout school too, and also tend to live quite a hermit life. Ive tried toddler groups and playgroups but theyre not for me – theyre all so cliquey and as you say, most of the time when a group of women get together its only a matter of time before the bitching and backstabbing begins – maybe Ive just been unfortunate but thats been my experience of it anyway!

    I prefer to stick with my own company and my family, but every now and then I envy those with “BFFs”! #KCACOLS

  6. I could have easily written this. I’m not one for toddler classes and playgroups, we do go to a few mainly so Clem can interact with other kids but I don’t really enjoy them. The other mums all seem to know each other so all chat amongst themselves, we just come in do the class and leave. What also makes it hard is that no one else in my friend group is a mum, I’m the only one, so I don’t seem them as much. We did NCT classes but they all went back to work so they are all busy as well. I have a lot of online friends which is nice, and I like that but I do wish they were closer sometimes.x #KCACOLS

  7. I never made any friends from toddler groups. For some reason I just didnt click with any of them. Whilst its good to have people you can exchange battle stories with , I dont really want to be friends with someone just because they’re also a mam. be kind to yourself, a lot of us feel the same as you. Social interaction leaves me feeling absolutely exhausted #kcacols

  8. I know what you mean about the bullying for sure. Happened to me all through school. Thankfully I met a good group of friends in college but now we hardly speak. It’s so hard when you have kids to be social and like you said often times the other moms can be so clicky and it makes you uncomfortable. I haven’t tried any mommy groups yet. #KCACOLS #TribalLove

  9. I don’t have many friends. A lot of people I know but I don’t really see anyone except my wife, or my neighbours. My best friend lives in York. I live in Wales. She’s the only other person I really talk to. I’ve had anxiety and social phobia most of my life. I don’t know how that will change when my baby is born, but hopefully if I go to baby groups, my wife will be with me and she can do the talking. #kcacols

  10. My mom always says you don’t need many friends, just a handful of good ones and I think she’s right. I am actually quite comfy with the small circle of friends I have. And lately, I’ve discovered my great bloggy pallies from blog hopping!

    #kcacols

  11. It’s been so lovely to get to know you online…this really resonates with me, I was always more of a lone wolf throughout my twenties. In fact when I was 25 I got my own flat and remember thinking I might be tempted to just not socialise at all haha (thankfully that didn’t happen). This is such a fab, honest post xx #KCACOLS

  12. I think we all have times that we like to be on our own. I know I do. I love to be at home on my own and do my own thing. I have always enjoy being at home. However I also have my social side but it only comes out if I feel comfortable with the people I’m surrounded. If I’m not I can feel very shy and anxious. When I’m with my family (my girls and hubby) things are always better as I have them or I can hide behind them and it feels better lol. I love the blogging community because it is giving us an opportunity to let it all out and I think we kind of understand each other in a way. Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. It is lovely to have you , 🙂 x

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